Corrupt-a-wish! game

Granted, but your knowledge on maths and science is now abysmal.

I wish I was awesome at everything.

Fine, but everything is very useless
I wish I was really a SPESS MEHREEN

Granted, but your equipment becomes obsolete.

I wish this thread had more contributors.

Granted, but they are all retards.

I wish you were an AMURIKAN!!!

Granted, but the rampant patriotism sparks a national debate.

I wish for pie.

Granted, but it is pie flavor.

I wish I liked trains.

Granted, but you are hit by one.

I wish I worked at a muffin factory.

Granted, but the muffins rise in revolution and kill you.

I wish I had a unibrow.

Granted, but you are shunned by normal human society.

I wish I was a godlike being, like Dave Bowman.

Granted, but a Christian priests molest you.

I wish I owned the forums.

Granted, but everyone leaves.

I wish I knew the location of every member of the current National Socialist party.

Granted, but everyone else already knows.

I wish Hitler never existed.

Granted, but it turns out the 'neo' prefix they all have keeps them off your list.
I wish I had more Coke! It's too damn hot
Edit: Damn you Shisno!
Granted, but it turns out his stupidity was the only thing holding the Nazis back from absolute victory.

Granted, but it's not what you were expecting, if you know what I mean.

I wish the government was more competent.

You mean i'm stuck with a load of fizzy vegetable-extract drink?
Granted, but that means an eternity of Clegg, Cameron and Boris Johnson.
I wish there was more than three people on this thread.

Granted, but then this would become to mainstream, and I would have to leave.

I wish this thread just kept going on until the end of time.

Granted, but that means many people give up their lives to post witty or un-witty remarks, which means that when the end of time comes, people have nothing to show for it but a post count of +1,000,000.

I wish for a cup of tea.

Granted, but some random Yank comes and whacks the bottom of the teacup with his palm, sending the steaming hot liquid straight towards your face.

I wish the Druids weren't so damned mysterious.

Granted, but then life becomes incredibly boring and mysterious things don't happen anymore.

I wish that life was a stage musical.

Granted, but musicals are shit

I wish life was like Modern Warfare 3.