By God they've done it, they've really done it

The most disgusting, terrible, and inhuman news network in the entirety of cosmological history, RT (or Russia Today, as it was formerly known), has branched out into mainstream American cable networks. Now, RT had previously aired in the US, but only on certain networks and only at certain times. Now they've gone and infected pretty much every major service provider out there, and have doubled up on their timeslots.

As I was idly flipping through channels today, reading the Tao Te Ching and listening in to whatever popped up, I came upon RT's news channel and proceeded to immediately vomit. I threw my book across the room, fell to my knees, and proclaimed my disdain to the heavens for around ten minutes or so.

What sin has humanity committed to deserve such a fate? What sin could one reasonably commit at all that might bring such scorn from the divine? And, more important than all of that other nonsense, how do we go about destroying this odious plague?

Well I simply don't have the answers to these questions. I don't think it is even possible to answer either of the first two without entering some form of self-reference paradox. If you know the answer to the last one, then there's a good chance that you're the reincarnation of Jesus, sent here to slay the Devil once and for all.

In any case, these are truly dark times we've entered. There is no longer any hope. The shrine I had constructed to seek the protection of Wolf Blitzer and Bill Maher appears to have failed.

The only chance any of you have is that I've simply fallen into a hellish dimension, where all of creation exists to have its happiness shattered over and over again. Maybe my, and your quantum selves, eternal suffering at the hands of such a dark and ancient evil will pave the way for a brighter future in your beautiful universe where rainbows are made of chocolate and everything is tastefully chic. But for us, there is seemingly no recourse. There is no salvation. There is only despair.

lol

Y'know, Arguing like kali is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good you are at chess, the pigeon will just knock down all the pieces, crap on the board, and strut around like it is victorious.

Kali is exceptionally good with the strutting around part.

Cool story bro.

Meh, television is outdated now anyways. You can get all the info you need online and watch pretty much anything you want on your computer. RT is already online so nothing new for me.

Pigeon. Pidgin means something entirely different.

Thought it seemed off.

We need to find out who's responsible for this, tie 'em to some trucks, and have ourselves a good ol' fashioned fag drag!

Am I Jesus now?

Also to clarify, I liked Ler's post not because I agree with it, but because that analogy was awesome.

Can you walk on water? Are you Mexican?

We've been over this already, Shaw. Fidel Castro is Jesus.

Hmm, well as far as I know, Jesus didn't spend all day shooting up with heroin and dropping acid.

I can do none of those things, but I think I am part Hebrew.

I think Fidel means "faith" en espanol.

I've never done any of those things, but the Hebrews did use cannabis for religious purposes, so fuck yeah.

You know who else doesn't spend all day shooting up with heroin and dropping acid? Castro. Coincidence? I think not.

Now even your short term memory is going. You need help.

Nope, faith is fe. I will search the etymology of Fidel if you want.

Btw, what's exactly the problem? Is that RT is stupidly biased or something?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Kali and Ler have liked each others posts in this thread... What? What is going on? Is this the final sign of the apocalypse? I haven't even finished Fallout 1 that I got recently off of gog.com!

Why Russia Today? It is quite possibly one of the worst news networks I have seen and America does not need another biased news source. I would personally like to see AJE broadcast more in North America.

The comparisons that are most used are that they are the fox news of the left wing, and Putin's private media network. I think they are good when it comes to international stories, when it is about russia/any of it's allies though, it's extreme bias, and truth-bending are particularly apparent.

http://nooooooooooooooo.com/